Take time to be careful in talking and listening to your children. You will be glad. Your children will feel that you care and will open up more. Remember, good communication saves our relationships.
Good communication saves our relationships. Be careful how you talk, listen, and react to your children. Children need to know that you are on their side and will listen and understand them. A good relationship is more important than power or winning. Review a few dos and don’t when it comes to communicating.
Stay Positive
Avoid criticizing, yelling, or lecturing. This turns kids off. In fact, child phycologists say to reward good behavior with positive comments and compliments. Try to overlook poor behavior when it is not dangerous or serious. Learn to say, “That is not a good choice,” or “That is too bad,”‘ when bad choices are made. Encourage rather than focusing on the negative.
Listen, Don’t Talk
Whenever possible, allow your child talk about things that interest him or her. Listen to his or her explanations and experiences. Encourage the child to talk. It will help him or her feel valued and important. Children learn how to communicate by talking. Listening is more important than talking. Give advice or help when asked. Only correct in a polite way when misconceptions are expressed.
When bad behavior is involved, let the child explain his or her side of the story. If there is a set rule that was broken and you feel the consequence is necessary, use statements such as “Never the less,” or “regardless.” Again. don’t yell, argue, or criticize. Time out is appropriate for young children. For older children, use grounding or loss of privilege’s.
Listening Skills
Along with being quiet while someone else talks, we can learn to use good listening skills. They will help the other person know we are really listening. This is called “Active Listening.”
- Turn your attention toward the person talking. Use eye contact. Watch for facial expressions.
- Comment with a “Yeah” or “Uhuh” so the person knows you are listening.
- Parrot or respond with rephrasing so the other person knows you are understanding. He or she may correct if your understanding is wrong.
- Refrain from being anxious to jump in and complete phrase, advise, lecture, or give your own experiences. Wait until the child acts like he or she wants an answer or comment.
Use “I” Messages
“I” messages refer to the way you address a concern. Rather than blaming or pointing at others, tell how you feel by using an “I” in the sentence. An example is, ” I am scared when you go somewhere without telling me.” “I am angry when you use my things without asking.” Get your family in the habit of using “I” statements and it can help express feelings without fights. It will also spur discussion and bring people closer together.
With teenagers, consider feelings and truthfully express feelings. Avoid hurting him or her with accusations before you understand the situation. Using “I” statements can tell your feeling and encourage discussion. You can decide together what, if any, consequences are needed for future behavior that is not appropriate. Children are much more likely to obey rules if they understand what and why, and they have a hand in planning consequences.